I kept dreading the New Year...I mean the thought of it literally just made me feel so down. Anyone who asked me what I was doing for New Years most likely regretted it because all they got was an earful of Debbie Downer (which typically isn't me). And EVERYONE who knows me also knows that regardless of my mood I most likely would have had a plan for this night at least a month in advance...it's what I do: I PLAN. And with that being said, I have decided to plan no longer thanks to a great friend of mine who consistently yells at me to stop planning everything. "No Plan Is The Best Plan" - my new motto. And oddly my horoscope also went parallel with this new perspective by stating I should not commit to anything on New Years Eve but to just take the day as it comes and trust me I did just that.
I got myself dressed and ready to go with only ONE FOR SURE plan I was determined to keep: Dinner with mom and dad. I hadn't enjoyed a New Years Eve dinner with my parents in at least 10 years; always going off and planning other things seemingly more important at the time. However the older I've gotten, and the experiences I've endured have matured my perspective on what should be compromised and given up and what shouldn't be.
After dinner, I decided I shouldn't retire before midnight and headed to my friends Nichole and Brett's home where they were hosting everyone. And while I was really still just not feeling the whole idea, the moment I opened the door and saw my friend Kristina with a big smile on her face as she told me, "Guess What?!?!?!? I'm pregnant!" I suddenly knew I was right where I was supposed to be. Nothing else mattered anymore as Ashley and Elissa smiled big and hugged me, Nichole walked by carrying baby Charlotte to bed, and little Peyton ran by making some silly squeal. It's funny how the things I thought would be hard for me to engulf myself in turned out to be 100% what I needed. I hugged Mike and Kristina and congratulated them, rubbed Elissa's belly which I later after much thought renamed Baby Bear because SweetPea was too girly :o). The house was filled with family, friends, new life, love, innocence and an overwhelming sense of relief --- like everything was how it should be.
I thought back one year picturing us all in Vegas and how much has changed:
1. Chris and Elissa are now married and expecting a baby boy this spring
2. Heather and JJ are now married expecting their first baby in just a couple months
3. Emma, Charlotte, Harlow, Gretchen, Devan, all came into the world
4. Matt and Stephanie will be married in 2011
The reality is that life happens and it happens fast. After 365 days, life is different. I had an interesting 365 days, none of which I would change for a single second. I've laughed and I've cried, I've said hello to new amazing people and I've said good bye in a few different forms. Where I've closed the book on parts of my life, I will open another book. I learned so much in 2010 and while I didn't learn it ALL I DID learn a very heavy lesson:
Don't sweat the small stuff because for every moment you spend sad or angry is a moment of happiness you take away from yourself. Life will never be what you THINK it should be, it's going to throw you curve-balls and trust me you will swing and miss...but that doesn't mean you should sit on the bench and not play the game at all. While I still am experiencing moments of my past and assume I probably will for awhile...I'm ok with that. A lot of people say to let go of the past which I don't agree with because my past is what got me here, the present is what will make me in the future. I always thought I had my life figured out, always PLANNED where I should be and life pretty much threw me all curve-balls to prove a point. NOTHING GOES ACCORDING TO PLANNED! So aside from me letting life takes its course, I have learned the hardest lesson I think there is to learn: acceptance. If you can accept things and people for what and who they are, you don't have to work so hard at figuring out what is already plain to see. Accept who you are also and where you are and if you can't? Then adjust...adjust and make the changes you need to so that you can. So as I look forward into 2011 I can do nothing but smile; smile because I have more friends bringing new life in this world, I have friends starting lives together in marriage, I have my health, I have the people who matter most surrounding me, I have an amazing job, I have a home and while it's scary........I smile because I have no idea what is in store for me.
So here's to the year of unlimited surprises with the people who have changed my life...one day at a time!
