Oh Vegas...u sure came home with me this time!

So Vegas at 30 years old is really no different than Vegas at any other age. I recently went to Vegas for my friend Stephanie's bachelorette party with 12 of my girlfriends. And while this trip couldn't have come at a better time, it sure didn't let me leave in Vegas what happened in Vegas!

3:30 couldn't have come any faster for me to meet up with ash and Theresa so we could get to the airport and have our first cocktail before boarding our plane. The flight went smoothly, our luggage made it there safely, however who knew the cab line would be our first hostile encounter. Our eagerness got the best of us as we stood on the numbered circle marked 3....as in cab 3. As a cab rolls up a lady hops in the cab in front of us as her boyfriend comes running with a airport employee yelling at us to get back in line. The young man hops in the cab flipping us off and calling us line cutters. Who knew we were at Disneyland!?!? We finally make to our hotel about an hour later, get ourselves dolled up to meet the other girls for night number one of fun.

We get to the club all fancied up, get set up at our table at Encore nightclub which by the way I strongly recommend to anyone. Best club by far!!!! Except for when you slip and fall eh em. I'm getting to that fabulous moment. So nights going well, we team up with a bachelor party...dancing, enjoying every moment. Me of course being the mother hen realize two of my chicks are missing so I go in search. I find out one went back to the room...ok whew one is safe at the coop. The other I find near the restroom so I grab her and head back to the table. As I follow her back I have a fabulous encounter with the marble floor. It was not graceful by any means...I'm pretty sure the spilled drink on the floor, and the 4 inch heels were not a good combination unless it were to spell disaster. Luckily I had a sassy outfit on as my foot flew forward and my body flew up in the air, slamming on the floor in front of Surrenders finest. I laid there a few minutes wondering what was broken .... It's amazing how pain takes over embarrassment. I eventually allowed someone to help me up as I hobbled back to my table and announced party was over...I'm no longer flirty and thirty but instead nerdy and thirty.

By the time I had made it to the room, my ribs and shoulder were red and purple. I popped some Advil, put my friend to bed and while wincing in pain laid down realizing I had one more day and night to somehow get through. The next morning my entire body was stiff, sore and purple. I didn't let it get me down...I got up had some breakfast and started gambling :)

Needless to say I came home with bruised ribs and what happened in Vegas did not stay in Vegas...in fact it's still with me almost two weeks later.

It was a pleasure as always Vegas!

My mother's daughter...

Mother's and daughters have such a special bond...it's simple, it's natural, it's fragile and it constantly grows and changes with time and life.

I've seen my relationship with my mother change and progress and grow into something far more precious than anything I have every known (thus far). My mother isn't just my mother but she's my best friend. To this day she still comforts me when I'm down, nurses me when I'm not feeling well, offers advice I won't find in a book and loves me with all she has.  As my best friend, she shares ridiculous laughter at jokes only her and I would find funny, she carries on long text message conversations that simply make no sense to my poor dad (he prefers the old fashion telephone still xoxo) and she's the best shopping partner anyone could have. I still ask her questions about finances, love, life and even still will ask her which boots look better with what I'm wearing. I'll never stop needing her and that's what I love the most because no matter when or where or for what .... she's always there.

Life has no guarantees I know this, and I take everyday to remind myself how lucky I am to have what I have and who I have in my life. While I know some people aren't quite so lucky to have ever had such a special bond, or perhaps to have such a special bond cut short....I can only pray one day they can have the same relationship with their own daughters down the road.

So when someone says, "you looked just like your mother when you did that" or "you are just like your mother" ... know that you are being paid the best compliment you could be given; after all she raised you didn't she?

Getting Back on the Horse...

There's something about starting over...it's bittersweet. It's exciting because you have a chance to just revamp, renew and enjoy the unknown that is ahead of you.  It's somber because the disappointment that led you to this moment hurts and crushes a little bit of the faith and hope you put into something that you thought was right but turned out to be unbelievably wrong.

The older I get, the more difficulty I face regarding relationships. I know it's ok to be wrong, I mean we are all wrong possibly on a daily basis with decisions we make. Some are big some are small but most of the time we are so easily accepting of the wrong decisions.  But decisions of the heart?  Those are not so easy to accept. You try to convince yourself that you are not wrong at all because your heart feels a certain way.  The saying, Follow Your Heart isn't always the right thing to do. I think the heart feels appropriately but just because the heart feels something doesn't mean you should follow it....especially if it leads you down a dark road where you end up losing yourself. 
You find this amazing place where balance takes over and things seem calm and where they should be. You look around and while you are alone you are able to find complete happiness.  That's where I was. It took me a year but that's where I was....and then something happens. An unexpected character interrupts your story.  But you find it's a good interruption, something that adds to the smile on your face.  And while past experiences make you a bit skeptical and keep your most important pieces hidden under the surface....you start to feel like this could be something great; something different, something amazing and something not to be feared.  The process or idea of opening up your life is scary and it takes time and caution as I figured out very quickly and almost against my will.  It's like your heart wants to give in but your head just won't let you - a prisoner to yourself.  Time passes as this person makes you feel comfortable, gives you reassurance, says all the right things, has all the right moves - painting a picture you never imagined you would like but instead you realize its a masterpiece not to be disregarded but instead appreciated and accepted and held onto because it's worth far more you could have ever imagined.  Suddenly the spark hits and against your heads will....your heart takes over.  It's the moment you stop being afraid and you let it all go, again against your will - still a prisoner to yourself :o) 

Sometimes you find the person who appreciates you, treats you with respect and honesty and gives you everything and more.....other times you find the person that was destined to crush you and not feel at all remorseful for it....Sometimes things work out and other times they don't. Whether it's 6 years or 4 months ... it hurts just the same. You ask yourself a million questions wondering what went wrong, what you could have done differently, what could have been said, etc. You lose sleep trying to solve a puzzle you don't have the pieces to.  Then one day you wake up and you are ok....the pain gets lesser and lesser and you wake up one day ready to try it all over again....this time with a little more hope and a little more faith than you ever thought you would have again.