Gracias......

This year was our 8th year of Thanksgiving tradition gathering in beautiful Big Bear, California with some of my family, my godmother and her family and some great friends.  It's so amazing how we can drive 2 hours out of Orange County and be in such a beautiful winter wonderland.  We were lucky to have a white Thanksgiving this year, it's been about two years since we last enjoyed the white blanket.  One thing about me, I absolutely love this holiday, HOWEVER I absolutely do not like the meal.  Now I know all of you will probably freak out at that statement but I've never been a fan, still am not a fan and probably never will be.  I tend to fill up on my mom's delicious 7-layer dip, Karen's scrumptious deviled eggs, champagne and then most likely mashed potatoes later during dinner.  Don't get me wrong, I will have a bite of stuffing and a couple bites of turkey but it's not heavenly for me.  The best part is the sounds I hear of conversation and the people that surround me.  This year my tradition was changed up a bit but in a very bittersweet sort of way.  One of my dear friends pointed out to me the positive in the situation....spending the entire holiday with just MY family.  It's been many years since I haven't had to cut my time short with my family to share with another family and while honestly it was nice to not miss out on the evenings events like I normally do....there was still a pinch of emptiness that over time will pass.  For now, I tell myself it's OK to feel that way.  I know I am one of the lucky few with so much around me to be thankful for that 90% of the time I tend to forget what I don't have.  I have my health, a job I love, a roof over my head...I have a family that no words will ever be able to describe except that they are the air in which I breathe, I have a variety of friends that overtime continue to make me laugh and continue to remind me of valuable things I sometimes forget, and most of all I have life. 

I am more alive than I have ever felt and for that I am thankful.

Oscar - Unconditional affection, adoration, love...he will never know what he has done for me and the people in his life.

 

Brother & Sister-In-Law aka Jeanie & Miguel - Sometimes fate surprises you in the funniest of ways

Larry - So thankful for the smile he puts on my Nina's face and the love he fills her heart with.

Innocence - Watching Kaylee full of life and energy made me remember what it's like to appreciate and enjoy the little things in life.  Not a care in the world but to enjoy and appreciate that very moment with everything you have.

 

Friendship - Lifelong, strong, true, and honest. I can't wait to be taking these pictures with my friends many years down the road. My Parents - Honestly there is no way I could describe why I am thankful for them without turning this into a novel.  The best I can do while keeping it short is: my best friends, my rocks, my everything during happy times and sad times.

Nina - My godmother one of the most amazing people in my life that I thank God for everyday: sense of humor, strong, selfless, loving, generous, compassionate all qualities that are rare to find in one person.

<3 HAPPY THANKSGIVING 2010 <3

My Salad Days....

Salad Days: an idiomatic expression, referring to a youthful time, accompanied by the inexperience, enthusiasm, idealism, innocence, or indiscretion that one associates with a young person

Friday as I drove home from work, I called my mom to see how her day had gone plus I have to admit I just missed her and wanted to hear her voice. Before I knew it I was pulling into my driveway and my mom left me with a ridiculous idea, "You should put on your old cardigan and head over to your school carnival...I can get it out of the closet if you like." Now we all know she was joking and it sounded like a really lame idea, however I found myself actually considering it. Not the cardigan however, but the idea of going back to my elementary school where I spent 9 years of my life seemed very appealing.  Oddly enough I had plans with my best friend Lorrie the next day who I met in elementary school....how perfect for us to take this little trip down memory lane.  I sent her a quick text just throwing it out there and without hesitation she agreed it would be a good time. So I then sent a text to my sister in law and said, "Shelly (my alter-ego during party time) is insisting we go to the St. Columban School Festival!!!!"  After joking back and forth, I not only had convinced my parents and my best friend to go, but also my brother and his wife who also are Colt Alumni.

So we headed over to the carnival, not quite sure what to expect.  It definitely was MUCH smaller than we remembered, and it seemed a bit more cheesy.  The last time we had set foot at this place was when we attended the school many years ago, Lorrie tried to convince me she hadn't been in 10 years, I laughed and said No my friend it's been 15 years.  She gasped and said, "OH MY GOSH YOU ARE RIGHT!"  Hahaha oh man does reality bite sometimes. We ate good food and got some drinks and decided to walk around to check everything out.  We walked and talked about the memories of what boys we rode what rides with and how it was such a BIG deal then.  I even attempted the hopscotch still painted so neatly on the pavement in my high heel boots while holding a glass of chardonnay.....my brother told me, "Shelly shouldn't be attempting hopscotch right now!" Haha I proved him wrong!  Lorrie wanted to walk to the softball field which had been dedicated to her dad, Gary for his commitment to the schools softball team.  Sadly the team has not been active since her dad stopped coaching and the field was pretty much dead, but there hung the sign on the backstop:

It was pretty cool that Lorrie was able to see it.  Her dad is VERY enthusiastic and knowledgeable in baseball and softball.  He was my coach for many years and although his intensity was too much for some, his love of the game was extremely motivational and inspiring.  He hasn't changed to this day.  I saw him last weekend at his youngest daughter's wedding and he says to me, "You know we have practice right after this right?"  I just laughed.

Aaron and Cara talked about their memories on the ZIPPER ride and my dad immediately went to the ticket booth and bough the four of us tickets to go on the ride.  We all were a bit hesitant because let's face it we are 15-20 years older than we were last time we attempted this ride and we had just eaten.  Yet at the same time we really did want to revisit the experience.  I must tell you I don't think I've laughed that hard in a VERY long time...it was that nervous fun laugh that you get and you just can't stop and you have tears rolling down your cheeks.  Getting on that ride brought me back to my childhood days, and it was like a sudden flashback of 9 years of memories, some of which I had forgotten until that moment. I took Aaron and Cara's picture in front of the ZIPPER which is only appropriate...they met in elementary school, went to high school dances together and married each other just this year. To think it all began with the ZIPPER (haha I have to chuckle at that for a few reasons):

It's moments like these that I realize how life passes so fast, how it's full of surprises and sometimes just how some things DO last forever.  Who knew when I met Lorrie in elementary school we would still be friends this many years later, who knew my brother and Cara would end up married many years later?  But here is where it all began...back in the day where we began to mold and shape into the people we are today.  I'm glad we decided to turn a joking idea into an actual serious pursuit of a random good time down memory lane....

Sometimes all you need is to go back where you came from, to figure out how to get to where you are going!

New Season...New Life

November already...wow time just keeps flying by faster every day and I've realized no matter what I try to do, there's no stopping it or slowing it down for that matter.  The clock ticks whether we want it to or not.  Life moves forward day by day and before we know it another year has passed. We now move into a new season full of holidays....Thanksgiving, Christmas and then the bringing in of the New Year.  This is typically my favorite time of year when the leaves are changing from green to beautiful colors of orange and red, the smell of fireplace fills the night air, the mornings are crisp and it's a time of gathering with friends, loved ones and family to celebrate the holiday season. This year I have a bit of a hesitant excitement for the holidays....I still love the idea of it all but this time around I do come to terms with things that have changed.  I guess on a day to day basis it's easy to forget or busy yourself with things so that certain realities don't float around you.  But as the holidays grow near, I find myself fast forwarding ahead envisioning the NEW reality that I will live this year.  While this is my first holiday season (lump in throat) "single" admittedly in twelve years (no I'm not divorced, I am just that girl that's always been in a relationship), I find that while I will have a small void in my heart, my world will be 100% filled with the core of who I am and who I have come to be:  my family, my friends and new life.

My family means more to me than I can express in any blog. It's full of tradition, amazing unconditional love and support, and so much happiness and faith that it's almost overwhelming. Not many people can say that about their family or can say that they were lucky enough to be raised in such an environment that you almost feel you don't need anything else. 

My friends, well, you already know about them.  They pretty much make my life complete....they are the sisters I never had.  Each one of them through good and bad, laughter and tears have given me so much in their own way...whether its just to sit and laugh at things that nobody else on the outside would find funny, or whether it's dancing in the parking lot no matter how stupid we look, or maybe just a good movie night letting me pour my heart out and know I won't be judged...but instead hugged.....My friends are my extended family, they are the sisters I was meant to have.

And this year I found myself appreciating things at a much more intense level, looking at things in a different light and just trying to reinvent my life, who I am and the outlook on my life.  Sure I envisioned myself in a completely different place by this time of year, at this age....but it's called hope and faith and I have it.  I know things happen for a reason as cliche as that statement is but it's so true. I find myself singing to a different song, dancing to a different beat and walking a different walk.  I find myself being engulfed by the celebrations of new life through my best friends new additions, I find myself toasting to new life journey's at the weddings of long time friends and find that every day I experience I continue to grow and become someone that I never imagined but am completely proud of.  That's my ultimate goal in this life....to know that at the end of the day I did everything I could to the best of my ability.

Sometimes the littlest things bring the GREATEST hope and faith and happiness and they don't even know it.............

"Harlow Brezeale"

 

"Devan Buchanan"

"Gretchen Padron"

 

"Charlotte Verst"

 

"Emma DeFries"

"Layla Swain"

White Flag....

I woke up today with the same inner battle and the same question...Have I won or have I lost?  And realistically the more I think about it, if the fight is within myself isn't the answer both?  I have won and lost? Ok so maybe I'm becoming a bit too philosophical here or perhaps my psychology degree has decided to grace me with it's presence.  Either way, I must admit that this battle within myself is between the two most powerful components that make up who I am...it's like Lakers vs. Celtics, Angels vs. Red Sox (ok maybe not lately, but I am a fan of my Halos win or lose).  

HEAD VERSUS HEART.....I haven't quite figured out how to lead with both because every situation I feel I experience through rationality OR emotion/feeling (which I must admit is more of a gut than heart thing...but for all intensive purposes, the heart and gut pretty much go hand in hand).  I've always been a pretty rational person when it comes to the day to day things, always thinking about actions and consequences, if this than that, etc.  But being a CANCER, which at times pretty much is my sole basis for any decision I make, I tend to react due to emotion ... that sense of feeling that can't be explained.  It's a feeling that beats my mind to the punch; it doesn't allow me to even think, JUST feel. This isn't always a good thing because I'm sure if I sat here long enough I would come up with thousands of things that may make you feel great, but most likely isn't great FOR you.  So everyday for a few months now, I have woken up and fallen asleep with this rational versus feeling battle...hoping that one day the battle ends.  And when asking for advice, the reactions are different follow your heart, no follow your head.  But we all follow one or the other based upon what has successfully worked, based on lessons learned, and based upon whether or not that "feeling" hurt us or was really GREAT for us.  When dealing with the heart, it's all about risk and chances you take based upon a feeling, when dealing with the mind it's all about experience.  When you think about what you should do, you very quickly go through that filing cabinet in your head so you can reference the decision you are about to make with one that someone you know made, or perhaps one you made yourself before. 

So when do we surrender and to which do we surrender to?  The heart or the mind?  You can argue and say they go hand in hand but at the end of the day, one always wins over the other.  Perhaps I'm just wrong all together and it's not really a battle but instead a process of compromise.  The mind offers a little, the heart offers a little...creating an equal balance of logic and emotion, leaving no room to ignore either one because let's face it without one or the other we simply cannot survive.

Just what the dr. ordered...

I've always been a person that takes her relationships very seriously and not seriously like, no fun...serious in the sense of importance.  I'm that person that once I make a friend, I never let them go.  Even if I don't talk to them everyday, every week or even every year for that matter I'll find a way to get in touch and make sure life is treating them well.  But I do have the friends that have grown to be the foundation of my being (aside from my family of course).  And let's not get too crazy and say the friendships have all been perfect because for one we were at one time girls turned into teenage girls turned into twenties girls turned into women.  That's a whole lot of hormonal, emotional, sometimes drunken moments that at times you may wish you could take back, but realize it's something one day might be funny or in some way just added another brick to the strong foundation in which the friendship sits on today.  I love my girls, yes we've had our fights, our misunderstandings, our stupid immature moments over petty things but it really in NO WAY compares to the laughs, the smiles, the girly chats, the dinners, the dance parties, the singing at the top of our lungs in the car moments, nor the hysterical moments that I can think about on the worst day and still crack up at just to pick me up for even a minute. These friendships have evolved from a classmate into an acquaintance, into that first advice given or asked for, into roommate, into best friend, into bridesmaid and now into an "aunt".  It's really quite amazing isn't it?  How you can meet a total stranger at any stage in life and grow to love them as if you were actually sisters.

 I went to dinner last night to celebrate one of my best friends' birthday and as I looked around the table (and don't worry I was enjoying my wine and not simply just analyzing life) I just felt this overwhelming sense of calm.  The conversations were all going at once because you know us women are like a bunch of cackling chickens...but the smiles on all of my friends faces suddenly made all the troublesome things just disappear.  All of them are growing in so many different ways and when I look back at when I first met each one of them, I never in a million years thought I would have stood up to represent them at their weddings, or one day watch them become moms or even be there to help them celebrate their 29th birthday.  But I am here, and I have watched some of them look as beautiful as beautiful can be as they marry the loves of their lives, and I am here to see that motherly glow on their face and here I am toasting to the 29th birthday of another one.

Friendship is there when nothing else is, it picks you up when you fall and very often may catch you even before you have the chance to actually fall...it makes you laugh so hard it hurts, it's there for the BIGGEST moments and it's there to make the little moments big ones...it's there before you even ask it to be. 

I've been on big ships, I've been on little ships....but the best ship I've been on by far is friendship.

NOW NOW NOW...

So my instant messenger pops up from a friend asking me for my opinion saying she wanted an "outsider's" perspective on a situation, which I had to chuckle at because how "outside" or unbiased can a friends opinion TRULY be? So I told her ok, tell me what happened in the MOST unbiased version you could tell.  As she started to tell me what the argument her and her new boy toy have been having I quickly had that De Ja Vu feeling...I have heard this before or I went through the same thing????  Ah yes. I was definitely relating to her situation AND about a month ago I had another friend come to me with the same issue.   "He doesn't text me back!!!!!"

Is it simply that all guys met one day and said, "You know what? Let's not do this texting thing and drive girls crazy," or is it that we simply have allowed these electronic devices to spoil us to the point that we drive ourselves crazy when that instant gratification is not met within oh 2 seconds; which by the way is a perfectly acceptable amount of time to return a text because it only takes that amount of time to reply right? 

Well, so she ranted about the times this has happened and I thought the story was done at least 3 times, trying to respond with what I thought she wanted....my advice hahaha.  Silly me though, I'm a girl too so I should have realized it's story time with added in frustrated angry venting comments here and there then, she finally threw in her last angry comment and said, "THE END!" I boiled it down the best way I could, gave her the best advice I could; although let's be honest I'm not exactly the queen of successful relationships here but I was flattered all the same that she came to me. I'll be curious to see what comes of the "talk" with mr. not technology friendly.

But I ended the whole thing with the idea in my head that took me back to my high school years, when you liked someone you wrote a note and gave it to them as you passed them between classes.  And if they wrote you back, it was usually a pretty good indicator they felt the same way you did.  That's when human contact was still part of the process...you had to wait it out for as long as that person took to write you back or at least an hour until you passed them again in the hallways. I had patience in high school especially when I was grounded and good old mom and dad took the most important thing they could away from a teenage girl....the phone.  Text messaging didn't exist then...so there was the anticipation of going to school the next day to see that one boy that made your heart flutter after not talking or hearing from him for a good 15 hours????  Can you imagine now? We flip out when that boy that makes our heart flutter and our stomach flip doesn't contact us for 5 minutes, nevertheless for 15 hours.  There are no excuses, no reasons, no explanations really....because with all the communication outlets these poor guys can run but they can't hide ha ha.  

So maybe once in awhile throw your loved one a good old hand written note...maybe he will surprise you and check the YES box <3

Feet on the ground...

It's not even 9:30 a.m. and I'm already checking my cell phone to see if anyone is interested in making me feel special.  OOOOh! One new text message....there is so much build up in a text message: who is it from, what does it say, good or bad.  I open the text message to find that it's from my lifelong best friend Lorrie and it reads very short and to the point: "one word....skydiving."  Now there is two things to consider here, one I am deathly afraid of heights and not just big ones, small ones too like climbing ladders, freeway off-ramps, big bridges like the St. Thomas Bridge that I accidentally went over one day in college driving to a class field trip---as if going across one time wasn't bad enough, it was sink or swim time considering I had to go back over it to get back home. And the second thing to consider? My friend Lorrie is a bit of a free spirit. I guess I'm more surprised she didn't suggest this TERRIBLE idea much sooner.  In a matter of 4 seconds a million thoughts went through my mind about this wretched suggestion of hers and as much as I would love to overcome my fear, the thought of relying on fabric to pop out in time as I allow someone to PUSH me out of a plane (because my brain would NEVER tell my body to "JUMP") to the ground below that I never should have left in the first place.....I simply replied with a "Hell to the n o!!!!"

My dear friend Lorrie, I may be getting older but that doesn't mean I'm crazy...not yet at least.  So how about we revisit our bucket list when we are, oh say 90? When I have indeed lost my mind -----Costa Rica or bust!

Love without expectations...

Meet Oscar...1.5 year old miniature schnauzer who has the biggest personality trapped in a  24lb body.  Owning a miniature schnauzer is very hectic but one of the most rewarding things at the same time.  For months, I read up on this breed before finally convincing myself this was the breed I wanted, and trust me while I don't regret it at all this little guy is a HANDFUL to say the least.  He rules pretty much every house he enters, terrifies with his initial MANbark, then melts your heart 5 minutes later...barks to get what he wants, jumps in your lap when he's ready to go to sleep and has no problem at all being the center of attention.  And he sure has my parents aka Grammy and Grandpy wrapped around his little paw.  Never before would you have expected to see my mom slice apples for a four-legged animal, nevertheless allow a four-legged hairy animal to roam free in her SPIC N SPAN household; but it seems pigs are flying.

Sure he's made his mistakes like chew on my dining room table, shred everything in the kitchen cabinets, lifted his leg on things he shouldn't have, nipped at a lady on a walk who rudely interrupted his nature moment....but there really is no getting around how adorably cute his face is, and how his eyes say so much without saying anything at all.  So I thought to myself tonight, wow I haven't bathed this little guy in awhile I don't have too much work to do so I will squeeze it in real quick before I start on the 200 40th wedding anniversary invitations I have to do...who was I kidding?  Bath time with Oscar is a production that I always convince myself will only take 20 minutes and every time it always takes at least an hour and 15 minutes.  This time? An hour, so maybe I'm getting better. 

So I pull the curtain back, start the water and I hear the jingle of his collar as he comes running down the hallway, eager as usual for bath time:

It seems somebody isn't so eager now...



Nothing a blow dryer and leave in conditioner can't handle,

and my handsome boy is back after a very long process.



Now I could lie and say I'm going to go get started on those 40th wedding anniversary invites but who am I kidding?  This face is staring at me barking for attention as I type this, so I think I'm gonna set the work aside toinght and give him some quality play time...because let's face it the little guy loves me without expecting anything in return. I gotta throw him a bone once in awhile :o).

A Pirate Cuban Czech is born....

September 19th, 2010 Grrrrretchen Aubrrrrey Padrrrrron graced us with her presence; all 6.5 pounds of her.  I know I know, why the "pirate"?  Well September 19th is National Talk Like A Pirate Day and while this may seem insignificant, if you knew my dear friend Chelsey aka "Peter" Padron giving birth to her baby on this date is probably as SIGNIFICANT as it gets. My friendship with her was a late blooming friendship that instantly turned into "feel like I've known you for years" type of friendship with zero effort, tons of laughs and probably the most random and memorable experiences I've ever had.  Our love of pirates, the movie Hook and bologna and miracle whip sandwiches is something only her and I can explain and understand.  Bologna and miracle whip sandwiches...that's when we knew this was going to be a good time! So here we are after all the madness of dumb boys, late night del taco runs, the break in of Tony, CatchPhrase, random drives and getting lost at the Long Beach docks, "I don't want kids"......eeeeeeek! BRAKE LIGHTS! Yes she actually said, I don't want kids! But after marrying her junior high/high school/early adulthood/LIFETIME love it seems my Peter Pirate changed her mind and is now the mother of a precious baby girl whom I fell in love with the minute I saw her.  

Although she is Danny's mini-me there's no doubt in my mind that little muffin is going to be 100% Chelsey to the core.  Jennifer and I went to visit the happy little family and although the entire thing seemed so surreal, it also felt so right and made perfect sense. We walked in to find daddy changing his first "poopy diaper" as he called it and as proud as a father could be asked us if we would like to see it.  And again if you knew our friendship, we didn't hesitate at all and gladly said, YES!

We watched as he attempted his first swaddle, which by the way wasn't very successful but practice makes perfect :o).  Once I was able to steal her away from Jennifer I just stared at her in amazement knowing that only hours prior she hadn't experienced this world yet.  New life is quite amazing and to be a part of it like that and know that your best friend created this new life is even more amazing and surreal.  She just said, "Its the best feeling in the world!" It's funny where life takes you, how life changes you and how maybe even a year ago you never thought you would be sitting there in that moment but once you are there there's no words to describe it.  Gretchen is now a part of our world and believe me, I plan on buying her the most annoying, loud obnoxious toys there is on the market.

Meet Gretchen...Our Little Pirate Booty

 Already Daddy's Little Girl:

 Hamming it up with a smile:

Congratulations Danny and Chelsey!

Hi My Name Is.....

I know there are a million blogs out there and I can't promise you that mine will be the most amazing blog in the world, but I CAN promise this will make for an interesting adventure.  I'm a person who literally strives and lives off goals and accomplishment of those goals. Some may call me OCD (eh em Jennifer), others may call me Monica from friends (cough cough, Ashley, Elissa and Lacey), others might say I need to take time for myself and stop saying YES to everything (not gonna happen Mom and Dad). All in all I love filling my days, minutes hours creating things, making my ideas come to life and just affecting people with those things I do hopefully in a positive manner. 

So a little bit of me summed up, here goes:

I'm a daughter, sister, cousin, niece, granddaughter, best friend and dog owner. I take pride in all of my relationships. If you are a friend, I treat you like family; if you are family, you'll never question my loyalty. If you have my heart, well, then you are one lucky person. I live hard to work hard so that I can play hard. I never truly appreciated the fact that we only get one shot to live this life until I realized how quickly time passes and how in the blink of an eye, 10 years has passed. I have never regretted the decisions I've made, but instead have only seen painful or terrible ones as a learning experience. I don't let myself get too carried away in la la land because things happen that don't allow us to ignore reality for too long; people disappoint you, lies deceive you, you will experience broken promises, you will lose your job, goodbyes are inevitable whether it's forever or temporary, you will be blamed, you will be judged, you will fail but the best part of reality is for every down there's an up, for every left there is a right, for yin there is yang, for every bad there is good. Everyday is a gift, just waiting to be opened and appreciated to the fullest. Be proud of who you are, create goals for yourself so you can appreciate achieving them, make mistakes so you can appreciate the lesson, make memories so you can appreciate the experience, make friends so you can appreciate friendship, make love so you can appreciate life....APPRECIATE everything, don't take it for granted because the hardest lesson you will ever learn is losing what you may never get back. Love yourself so you can love others, and don't expect of others what you don't expect of yourselves. Live, laugh and love...there's no better way ♥