White Flag....

I woke up today with the same inner battle and the same question...Have I won or have I lost?  And realistically the more I think about it, if the fight is within myself isn't the answer both?  I have won and lost? Ok so maybe I'm becoming a bit too philosophical here or perhaps my psychology degree has decided to grace me with it's presence.  Either way, I must admit that this battle within myself is between the two most powerful components that make up who I am...it's like Lakers vs. Celtics, Angels vs. Red Sox (ok maybe not lately, but I am a fan of my Halos win or lose).  

HEAD VERSUS HEART.....I haven't quite figured out how to lead with both because every situation I feel I experience through rationality OR emotion/feeling (which I must admit is more of a gut than heart thing...but for all intensive purposes, the heart and gut pretty much go hand in hand).  I've always been a pretty rational person when it comes to the day to day things, always thinking about actions and consequences, if this than that, etc.  But being a CANCER, which at times pretty much is my sole basis for any decision I make, I tend to react due to emotion ... that sense of feeling that can't be explained.  It's a feeling that beats my mind to the punch; it doesn't allow me to even think, JUST feel. This isn't always a good thing because I'm sure if I sat here long enough I would come up with thousands of things that may make you feel great, but most likely isn't great FOR you.  So everyday for a few months now, I have woken up and fallen asleep with this rational versus feeling battle...hoping that one day the battle ends.  And when asking for advice, the reactions are different follow your heart, no follow your head.  But we all follow one or the other based upon what has successfully worked, based on lessons learned, and based upon whether or not that "feeling" hurt us or was really GREAT for us.  When dealing with the heart, it's all about risk and chances you take based upon a feeling, when dealing with the mind it's all about experience.  When you think about what you should do, you very quickly go through that filing cabinet in your head so you can reference the decision you are about to make with one that someone you know made, or perhaps one you made yourself before. 

So when do we surrender and to which do we surrender to?  The heart or the mind?  You can argue and say they go hand in hand but at the end of the day, one always wins over the other.  Perhaps I'm just wrong all together and it's not really a battle but instead a process of compromise.  The mind offers a little, the heart offers a little...creating an equal balance of logic and emotion, leaving no room to ignore either one because let's face it without one or the other we simply cannot survive.

Just what the dr. ordered...

I've always been a person that takes her relationships very seriously and not seriously like, no fun...serious in the sense of importance.  I'm that person that once I make a friend, I never let them go.  Even if I don't talk to them everyday, every week or even every year for that matter I'll find a way to get in touch and make sure life is treating them well.  But I do have the friends that have grown to be the foundation of my being (aside from my family of course).  And let's not get too crazy and say the friendships have all been perfect because for one we were at one time girls turned into teenage girls turned into twenties girls turned into women.  That's a whole lot of hormonal, emotional, sometimes drunken moments that at times you may wish you could take back, but realize it's something one day might be funny or in some way just added another brick to the strong foundation in which the friendship sits on today.  I love my girls, yes we've had our fights, our misunderstandings, our stupid immature moments over petty things but it really in NO WAY compares to the laughs, the smiles, the girly chats, the dinners, the dance parties, the singing at the top of our lungs in the car moments, nor the hysterical moments that I can think about on the worst day and still crack up at just to pick me up for even a minute. These friendships have evolved from a classmate into an acquaintance, into that first advice given or asked for, into roommate, into best friend, into bridesmaid and now into an "aunt".  It's really quite amazing isn't it?  How you can meet a total stranger at any stage in life and grow to love them as if you were actually sisters.

 I went to dinner last night to celebrate one of my best friends' birthday and as I looked around the table (and don't worry I was enjoying my wine and not simply just analyzing life) I just felt this overwhelming sense of calm.  The conversations were all going at once because you know us women are like a bunch of cackling chickens...but the smiles on all of my friends faces suddenly made all the troublesome things just disappear.  All of them are growing in so many different ways and when I look back at when I first met each one of them, I never in a million years thought I would have stood up to represent them at their weddings, or one day watch them become moms or even be there to help them celebrate their 29th birthday.  But I am here, and I have watched some of them look as beautiful as beautiful can be as they marry the loves of their lives, and I am here to see that motherly glow on their face and here I am toasting to the 29th birthday of another one.

Friendship is there when nothing else is, it picks you up when you fall and very often may catch you even before you have the chance to actually fall...it makes you laugh so hard it hurts, it's there for the BIGGEST moments and it's there to make the little moments big ones...it's there before you even ask it to be. 

I've been on big ships, I've been on little ships....but the best ship I've been on by far is friendship.

NOW NOW NOW...

So my instant messenger pops up from a friend asking me for my opinion saying she wanted an "outsider's" perspective on a situation, which I had to chuckle at because how "outside" or unbiased can a friends opinion TRULY be? So I told her ok, tell me what happened in the MOST unbiased version you could tell.  As she started to tell me what the argument her and her new boy toy have been having I quickly had that De Ja Vu feeling...I have heard this before or I went through the same thing????  Ah yes. I was definitely relating to her situation AND about a month ago I had another friend come to me with the same issue.   "He doesn't text me back!!!!!"

Is it simply that all guys met one day and said, "You know what? Let's not do this texting thing and drive girls crazy," or is it that we simply have allowed these electronic devices to spoil us to the point that we drive ourselves crazy when that instant gratification is not met within oh 2 seconds; which by the way is a perfectly acceptable amount of time to return a text because it only takes that amount of time to reply right? 

Well, so she ranted about the times this has happened and I thought the story was done at least 3 times, trying to respond with what I thought she wanted....my advice hahaha.  Silly me though, I'm a girl too so I should have realized it's story time with added in frustrated angry venting comments here and there then, she finally threw in her last angry comment and said, "THE END!" I boiled it down the best way I could, gave her the best advice I could; although let's be honest I'm not exactly the queen of successful relationships here but I was flattered all the same that she came to me. I'll be curious to see what comes of the "talk" with mr. not technology friendly.

But I ended the whole thing with the idea in my head that took me back to my high school years, when you liked someone you wrote a note and gave it to them as you passed them between classes.  And if they wrote you back, it was usually a pretty good indicator they felt the same way you did.  That's when human contact was still part of the process...you had to wait it out for as long as that person took to write you back or at least an hour until you passed them again in the hallways. I had patience in high school especially when I was grounded and good old mom and dad took the most important thing they could away from a teenage girl....the phone.  Text messaging didn't exist then...so there was the anticipation of going to school the next day to see that one boy that made your heart flutter after not talking or hearing from him for a good 15 hours????  Can you imagine now? We flip out when that boy that makes our heart flutter and our stomach flip doesn't contact us for 5 minutes, nevertheless for 15 hours.  There are no excuses, no reasons, no explanations really....because with all the communication outlets these poor guys can run but they can't hide ha ha.  

So maybe once in awhile throw your loved one a good old hand written note...maybe he will surprise you and check the YES box <3

Feet on the ground...

It's not even 9:30 a.m. and I'm already checking my cell phone to see if anyone is interested in making me feel special.  OOOOh! One new text message....there is so much build up in a text message: who is it from, what does it say, good or bad.  I open the text message to find that it's from my lifelong best friend Lorrie and it reads very short and to the point: "one word....skydiving."  Now there is two things to consider here, one I am deathly afraid of heights and not just big ones, small ones too like climbing ladders, freeway off-ramps, big bridges like the St. Thomas Bridge that I accidentally went over one day in college driving to a class field trip---as if going across one time wasn't bad enough, it was sink or swim time considering I had to go back over it to get back home. And the second thing to consider? My friend Lorrie is a bit of a free spirit. I guess I'm more surprised she didn't suggest this TERRIBLE idea much sooner.  In a matter of 4 seconds a million thoughts went through my mind about this wretched suggestion of hers and as much as I would love to overcome my fear, the thought of relying on fabric to pop out in time as I allow someone to PUSH me out of a plane (because my brain would NEVER tell my body to "JUMP") to the ground below that I never should have left in the first place.....I simply replied with a "Hell to the n o!!!!"

My dear friend Lorrie, I may be getting older but that doesn't mean I'm crazy...not yet at least.  So how about we revisit our bucket list when we are, oh say 90? When I have indeed lost my mind -----Costa Rica or bust!

Love without expectations...

Meet Oscar...1.5 year old miniature schnauzer who has the biggest personality trapped in a  24lb body.  Owning a miniature schnauzer is very hectic but one of the most rewarding things at the same time.  For months, I read up on this breed before finally convincing myself this was the breed I wanted, and trust me while I don't regret it at all this little guy is a HANDFUL to say the least.  He rules pretty much every house he enters, terrifies with his initial MANbark, then melts your heart 5 minutes later...barks to get what he wants, jumps in your lap when he's ready to go to sleep and has no problem at all being the center of attention.  And he sure has my parents aka Grammy and Grandpy wrapped around his little paw.  Never before would you have expected to see my mom slice apples for a four-legged animal, nevertheless allow a four-legged hairy animal to roam free in her SPIC N SPAN household; but it seems pigs are flying.

Sure he's made his mistakes like chew on my dining room table, shred everything in the kitchen cabinets, lifted his leg on things he shouldn't have, nipped at a lady on a walk who rudely interrupted his nature moment....but there really is no getting around how adorably cute his face is, and how his eyes say so much without saying anything at all.  So I thought to myself tonight, wow I haven't bathed this little guy in awhile I don't have too much work to do so I will squeeze it in real quick before I start on the 200 40th wedding anniversary invitations I have to do...who was I kidding?  Bath time with Oscar is a production that I always convince myself will only take 20 minutes and every time it always takes at least an hour and 15 minutes.  This time? An hour, so maybe I'm getting better. 

So I pull the curtain back, start the water and I hear the jingle of his collar as he comes running down the hallway, eager as usual for bath time:

It seems somebody isn't so eager now...



Nothing a blow dryer and leave in conditioner can't handle,

and my handsome boy is back after a very long process.



Now I could lie and say I'm going to go get started on those 40th wedding anniversary invites but who am I kidding?  This face is staring at me barking for attention as I type this, so I think I'm gonna set the work aside toinght and give him some quality play time...because let's face it the little guy loves me without expecting anything in return. I gotta throw him a bone once in awhile :o).

A Pirate Cuban Czech is born....

September 19th, 2010 Grrrrretchen Aubrrrrey Padrrrrron graced us with her presence; all 6.5 pounds of her.  I know I know, why the "pirate"?  Well September 19th is National Talk Like A Pirate Day and while this may seem insignificant, if you knew my dear friend Chelsey aka "Peter" Padron giving birth to her baby on this date is probably as SIGNIFICANT as it gets. My friendship with her was a late blooming friendship that instantly turned into "feel like I've known you for years" type of friendship with zero effort, tons of laughs and probably the most random and memorable experiences I've ever had.  Our love of pirates, the movie Hook and bologna and miracle whip sandwiches is something only her and I can explain and understand.  Bologna and miracle whip sandwiches...that's when we knew this was going to be a good time! So here we are after all the madness of dumb boys, late night del taco runs, the break in of Tony, CatchPhrase, random drives and getting lost at the Long Beach docks, "I don't want kids"......eeeeeeek! BRAKE LIGHTS! Yes she actually said, I don't want kids! But after marrying her junior high/high school/early adulthood/LIFETIME love it seems my Peter Pirate changed her mind and is now the mother of a precious baby girl whom I fell in love with the minute I saw her.  

Although she is Danny's mini-me there's no doubt in my mind that little muffin is going to be 100% Chelsey to the core.  Jennifer and I went to visit the happy little family and although the entire thing seemed so surreal, it also felt so right and made perfect sense. We walked in to find daddy changing his first "poopy diaper" as he called it and as proud as a father could be asked us if we would like to see it.  And again if you knew our friendship, we didn't hesitate at all and gladly said, YES!

We watched as he attempted his first swaddle, which by the way wasn't very successful but practice makes perfect :o).  Once I was able to steal her away from Jennifer I just stared at her in amazement knowing that only hours prior she hadn't experienced this world yet.  New life is quite amazing and to be a part of it like that and know that your best friend created this new life is even more amazing and surreal.  She just said, "Its the best feeling in the world!" It's funny where life takes you, how life changes you and how maybe even a year ago you never thought you would be sitting there in that moment but once you are there there's no words to describe it.  Gretchen is now a part of our world and believe me, I plan on buying her the most annoying, loud obnoxious toys there is on the market.

Meet Gretchen...Our Little Pirate Booty

 Already Daddy's Little Girl:

 Hamming it up with a smile:

Congratulations Danny and Chelsey!

Hi My Name Is.....

I know there are a million blogs out there and I can't promise you that mine will be the most amazing blog in the world, but I CAN promise this will make for an interesting adventure.  I'm a person who literally strives and lives off goals and accomplishment of those goals. Some may call me OCD (eh em Jennifer), others may call me Monica from friends (cough cough, Ashley, Elissa and Lacey), others might say I need to take time for myself and stop saying YES to everything (not gonna happen Mom and Dad). All in all I love filling my days, minutes hours creating things, making my ideas come to life and just affecting people with those things I do hopefully in a positive manner. 

So a little bit of me summed up, here goes:

I'm a daughter, sister, cousin, niece, granddaughter, best friend and dog owner. I take pride in all of my relationships. If you are a friend, I treat you like family; if you are family, you'll never question my loyalty. If you have my heart, well, then you are one lucky person. I live hard to work hard so that I can play hard. I never truly appreciated the fact that we only get one shot to live this life until I realized how quickly time passes and how in the blink of an eye, 10 years has passed. I have never regretted the decisions I've made, but instead have only seen painful or terrible ones as a learning experience. I don't let myself get too carried away in la la land because things happen that don't allow us to ignore reality for too long; people disappoint you, lies deceive you, you will experience broken promises, you will lose your job, goodbyes are inevitable whether it's forever or temporary, you will be blamed, you will be judged, you will fail but the best part of reality is for every down there's an up, for every left there is a right, for yin there is yang, for every bad there is good. Everyday is a gift, just waiting to be opened and appreciated to the fullest. Be proud of who you are, create goals for yourself so you can appreciate achieving them, make mistakes so you can appreciate the lesson, make memories so you can appreciate the experience, make friends so you can appreciate friendship, make love so you can appreciate life....APPRECIATE everything, don't take it for granted because the hardest lesson you will ever learn is losing what you may never get back. Love yourself so you can love others, and don't expect of others what you don't expect of yourselves. Live, laugh and love...there's no better way ♥